Beatmag News
November 2006
Diddy eats a squidy
Rap star and fashion mogul Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs is in hot water with MTV after his latest video was banned by the station due to complaints about animal cruelty. The video for new single ‘Fish ‘n’ Fries (To Go)’ directed by award-winning director Alphonse DaPhone, depicts Diddy eating a live squid while rapping along to his lyrics. The clip is based on a recreation of the infamous scene from the Korean cult classic ‘Oldboy’ which depicts star Min-sik Choi, doing the same thing. When contacted for comments, Diddy issued the following statement: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about! The movie is Oldboy, and I’m Bad Boy, baby. It’s just like eating calamari on my yacht, player. Respect my style.” When notified, a Friends Of The Earth spokesman said, “We’ve yet to investigate these allegations, but something definitely smells fishy about this whole thing.”
Simon and Garfunkel reunited through SMS
60’s pop legends Simon & Garfunkel have patched things up again after another lengthy bout of ignoring each other, but this time they will only talk via mobile text shorthand. The duo, as famous for classic songs such as ‘Bridge Of Troubled Water’ as they are for the ongoing refusal to even exchange words off stage, say they have come to an understanding after they discovered they mutual love of text messaging. “I WONT TLK TO SIMON FACE 2 FACE, ” Art Garfunkel was quoted as saying, “HES A TSSR, BUT OVER THE TXT I DONT HAVE 2.” Paul Simon seemed to agree, “YEA, HES A COCK 2, BUT @ LST WE CN GET SR8 2 MKING MUZIK W/O SPENDING TIME 2GTHR.” The new system has worked out so well, the duo have recorded a new album called “C U LTR, IT WILL B GR8 LOL” early next year.
BEZ GOES EMO
Ex-Happy Mondays figurehead and versatile percussion player Bez, has decided to team up with Emo champions My Chemical Romance on a new project. The new supergroup called Dot Slash Top One, will see both musical forces branching out musically. Speaking via satellite from Manchester, Bez explained that the two groups seemed to click from the first meeting. “I just got tired of havin’ a laff all the time, like. And this lot might look like ponces but they’re all right.” Speaking on the phone from New Jersey, lead singer of MCR Gerard Way commented “I think people have us down as all pissing and moaning about how hard life is. But, why can’t they just leave us alone, huh? It’s so unfair!” Dot Slash Top One hope to hit the studio recently and Way believes they will surprise fans with their output, “We can’t wait to show the world how we can party, and Bez will really bring something special to the mix. His maraca work is deeper than it’s ever been, it will blow some minds!”
Rap superstar Nelly has revealed he is undergoing hypnosis to overcome his fear of mice. “Man. Look at those things. They’re vicious, man, they’ll rip you apart if you let ’em!” Nelly stated at a recent press conference, “I’m a hustler, I’m from the street, man. But I hate those meeces to pieces, yo!”
The Cure’s lead singer Robert Smith has been discharged from an LA hospital after suffering major burns. The ‘80s Goth Rock icon suffered the burns on the aptly-named Sunset Strip last week. Commenting on the incident, Smith said “I don’t know what happened. I opened my door and went outside for the first time in years. Apparently there’s this big orange, hot thing in the sky during the day in LA. I think it’s called ‘The Sun’ or something.”
Megastar Shakira is being sued by angry fans at a recent Paris concert. The fan’s were incensed at the lack of underarm and leg hair on the Latin pop-star. While the Columbian superstar had no comment at press time, a spokesman for the fans bringing the class action claimed, “It was disgusting. We were deeply offended. Hips don’t lie? But, zoot allore, other parts of our beloved Shakira did that night!”
Remake fever continues to grip Hollywood as the latest news is that filmmaker Michael Bay is set to remake Steven Spielberg’s shark classic Jaws. “It’s been 30 years since the original movie,” Bay said recently, “It’s time to bring it up to date. I’m trying to persuade Aphex Twin to do the score.” Look for Jaws: Jump The Shark in 2008.
