Festival Special

With the indefatigable Blackbelt Jonez

Tis the season to get wasted, tra la la la la etc. Now, unless you’re super rich and unemployed (and therefore probably a dealer) then you’ll be finding the arrival of lots of new festivals gets your mind all twisted up, thinking ‘great’, ‘annoying’ and ‘hmmm’ in a confusing tandem of contradiction. How will you find the time to go to them all and how will you afford to part with a considerable wedge of your hard-earned cash? Well, the obvious answer is working in the bars and helping hoover the shit out of the portaloos, but that’s really for the students and the heavy smokers who have no sense of smell or pride remaining. You can’t go to all of the festivals, that’s just silly. Instead you should check out the marginally bitter Beatmag guide to some of the festivals that are going on this year. Glastonbury is off our radar – it’s had more than enough press over the last two months and all of that quibbling over Jay Z (who will do a great show) is silly…
Anyway, have a read, make a decision and shut up.

GuilFest – July 4/5/6

Now this is a tricky one. Going to Guilfest is sort of a rite-of-passage. Guilfest is an admission that you’ve moved from one box to the next when it comes to filling out the ‘are you 0-20 yrs, 21-25 yrs, 25-35 yrs, 35+ and therefore pointless’ bit on forms. If you’re considering going to this one for the first time this year, we’ll wager that two years ago you’d have turned your nose up (which, by the way, had some white powder on it) and protested you’d never go. Well guess what? YOU’RE OLD ENOUGH NOW! So, pull your socks up and embrace a future of swaying and no-longer dancing at gigs, and actually taking a barbecue because for the first time you’ll be consuming food before the third day of a festival. Take shorts with an elasticated waste and look on the bright side – it won’t be an entirely unpleasant experience;
Blondie, The Levellers and The Australian Pink Floyd Show will headline the main stage and amongst other relatively safe bookings you can see Kula Shaker and Freak Power. Ladies, lock up your husbands because randy Welsh sexual dynamo Cerys Matthews will also be on the prowl. The PR is unclear as to whether she’ll be performing or just snaring a new man so have your pepper spray at the ready.

Tickets are priced at. Adults – £40 day, £90 weekend, £100 weekend with camping. Children between 12 – 16 years old – £30 day, £50 weekend, £60 weekend with camping. N.B. Children between 12 – 16 must be accompanied by an adult. Children aged under 12 have free entrance with ticket holding adult. Camper vans tickets are £80 and can only be used in conjunction with an adult with camping ticket.

For tickets and information go to www.guilfest.co.uk or call ticket hotline 0871 424 0050.

Wild In The Country – Sat 5th July

If you slightly reduce your drinking on Friday evenings for the next three weeks you’ll not only display a slightlier healthier hue around the gills but you may also be able to treat yourself and someone you’re currently sleeping with to this one-off event. Although it’s organised by Renaissance and there are enough of the names you’d associate with a proper rave-up including Sasha and the Plump DJs, this looks like it could be a tasteful event. Add Bjork’s only festival appearance in the UK this summer to the mix (and ignore the fact that the nauseating Pendulum will be within spitting distance) and consider the prospect of six cutting-edge marquee’d arenas and a main stage (outdoor) that will play host to a diverse collection of electronic artistes. All of this set against a flamboyant riot of décor, revellers can also enjoy the Anglo-centric Victorian fun fair; an enchanted wood and ice cream (yes, the PR blurb does actually include ‘ice cream’ as one of it’s ‘enticers’).
Wild in the Country is an event that ticks all boxes including ‘slightly expensive but not extortionate’ and ‘ice cream available’.

Site: Knebworth House, Knebworth park Stevenage, Hertfordshire
Date: Saturday July 5th 2008
Time: 1pm-6am
Early Bird Tickets - £45 + BF (£54 + BF thereafter)
24 hour Box Office: 0871230 7137
Online: renaissance.com
Line Up – many more to be announced.

Lounge On The Farm 11-13th July

An eye catcher this one, not only because of the price (‘proper bargain to the max’ we’d say if we weren’t all over 30) but because of the super eclectic line-up;
So far…Lightspeed Champion, The Bees, Art Brut, Black Kids, Jon Carter, Dub Pistols Sound System, Sargasso Trio, Pete Molinari, Kevin Rowland (DJ Set) Aba Shanti Sound System. Sonny.
A right healthy bunch there, we’d say. Now imagine seeing Blondie, The Foo Fighters and The Sex Pistols. Now stop imagining it because unfortunately they won’t be there. However, No Future (Sex Pistols), Blondee & Fool Fighters will be performing on the Sheep Dip Stage alongside other cleverly named tribute acts and rip-off merchant so leave your specs at home, rub nettles in your eye and see if you can tell the difference.

http://www.loungeonthefarm.co.uk/

Camp Bestival – 18, 19, 20th July

A nice idea behind this one: Basically geared towards festival goers who’ve finally accepted that those inconvenient little lumps that slow them down are actually their children. Organised by Rob Da Bank, Camp Bestival has some good varieties of music nailed down (Hercules & The Love Affair, The Flaming Lips, Chuck Berrry & DJ Krust) but it’s also thinking about the little people. There’s the Kid’s Garden area complete with mother and baby temple The Breastival, Kid’s Dressing Up Tent (and catwalk), The Insect Circus & Museum, Maypole dancing and an animal farm, all to keep your ankle biters amused.
This will have the same vibe as the Bestival but we’d imagine with marginally less Es & coke and more rusks & early nights. It’s a family affair for sure, but there is of course the possibility that those who missed out on tickets to the real-deal Bestival will descend upon this one instead! A decent looking bash.

Prices vary (depending on whether you’re 13 or not) www.campbestival.net

Kazantip Republic Beach Festival – ‘late JULY till end of August!’

There’s no other party like this in the world; Setting itself up as a fully functioning country for the summer months the kaZantip Republic is a temporary autonomous nation for whom age and social status means nothing. It even has it’s own President and Cabinet Ministers, who hold some position of power and status but it’s the DJs and musicians along with the creative elite who really hold the nations power… Confused? Well try this – kaZantip Republic is an international electronic music festival that has taken place for the last fifteen summers in the Crimea (Ukraine) and has grown to accommodate a willing 100,000 party people who are destined to spend the summer season dancing on the beach to a selection of travelling DJs, live acts alongside the occasional ‘switched on’ superstar DJ who all join the throng competing across ten dance floors to win the heart and minds of the countries inhabitants.
www.kaZantip.biz
Check this out for an idea of what to expect – www.vbs.tv/shows.php?show=1075

Beachdown Festival, Brighton – August 22, 23, 24th August

For those of us unfortunate to have missed out on going to Bestival this year (some may say karma for gloating about going on about it last year), this one looks like it could be a sexy sheep-shaped replacement;
OK – it may not have Aphex Twin or George Clinton prancing and flouncing (and occasionally upsetting), but Terry Callier can belt out a tune or ten, De La Soul can always work a crowd up into a fluffy hip-hop frenzy and Roy Ayers will be tooting out that song about sunshine and how much everybody loves it at some point over the weekend. Forgotten cool-cats Freak Power and the Fun Loving Criminals will also be there, Hercules And The Love Affair can pull in a horny crowd, Horace Andy is quite a lovely and there are a number of local favourites including The Hat, Hardkandy and The Miserable Rich.
Also, Brighton’s police work all year round so unlike the under-worked and frankly bored forces of the Isle of Wight, Brighton’s rozzers won’t hear the word “Festival” and suddenly smell easy ‘ratings’ meat after a year of sitting on it’s collective arse…
It’s a well known fact that 74% of Brighton’s police force are ticklish, so if you get a super-keen copper eyeing up your bum-hole looking for skunky weed, be armed with a feather and tickle your way into an hilarious Benny Hill style escape.
Once you’re in, survey the beautiful surroundings of Sussex’s South Downs, grab yourself an organic snack (all food here is organic so pack your wallet) and settle down to some top-notch pretty-people watching.

Tickets for the weekend are £85 including camping

http://www.beachdownfestival.com

Creamfields – 23, 24, 25th August

For the ravers amongst you, this is always the real deal. Erol Aklan, Ian Brown, Fatboy Slim (yep, spotters badge. Lets see how many festivals he shows up in…), Paul Oakenfold, Eric Morillo, Tiesto, Sasha & Pete Tong. Don’t expect too many frills here. It’s all about a massive three-day knees up so the non-music entertainment will be limited to watching someone on ketamine trying to escape from a tent that doesn’t exist. Expect the world’s worst burgers to cost about £6 and suspicious bottles of water £2.50 each.

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1 Comment »

One Response to “Beatmag News”

1. skunk 1 says:

   August 28, 2011 at 6:46 pm

   Skunk #1 von Sensi Seeds…

   Die Skunk#1 gehört zu den ältesten Indoorsorten überhaupt. Sie war und ist Grundlage vieler……